


Haze

by InTheCompanyOfDragons



Series: Haze series [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1819771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheCompanyOfDragons/pseuds/InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam falls for a girl in the wrong crowd he is sucked into a world of sex, drugs, and lies. Will his family notice in time to dig him out? Or is it too late to save Sam from his mistakes? Warnings for swearing, drug use, sexual material etc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Haze

At fifteen Sam was all kinds of awkward, his once chubby body had stretched out over his bones and he had turned into a six-foot tall walking beanpole. Not to mention he was hormonal and full of teenaged angst. With raging hormones and puberty hitting him like a tanker truck life would be difficult enough for Sam without the constant moving. This month John had left Sam and Dean in a medium sized town in Arkansas. Dean, at nineteen was working as a mechanic at a local garage while Sam attended the high school in the district. 

The time was ticking by slowly today, Sam had been at this school for three weeks and except for a guy named Mark who he shared a couple classes with nobody really talked to him, not that he really made an effort to make friends, it was just harder when it came time for them to leave again, but at the same time it got lonely. When the bell rang Sam sprang from his seat and into the hall keeping his eyes on the ground, he just wanted to get out of the school and go home today. He was reading the same book in English class he had read at two other schools, how often could a kid write the same essay for To Kill A Mockingbird before his brain turned to goo. Sam was so focused on walking he walked right into a girl walking the other direction. The books she was carrying fell onto the floor and papers went all over.

“I’m so sorry!” Sam exclaimed as he bent down to help the girl. She had blonde hair, and green eyes, and was absolutely gorgeous. She looked at Sam and smiled and he felt a flutter in his stomach. 

“It’s no big deal, you looked a little sucked into your thoughts, happens to me all the time.” They stood   
up and Sam handed her stuff back to her. 

“Yeah… I was just trying to plan out my English assignment.” He bit his tongue, way to sound like a   
nerd. She just laughed.

“You’re Sam right?” She asked. 

“Uh… yeah, I’m sorry but I don’t think I know your name, I’m still kinda new here.” 

“It’s fine, I am sure you have better things to do then memorize all of our names. I’m Quinn, I am in   
your biology class.” 

“Nice to meet you Quinn.”

“Look, I got to go meet my friends, but ummm, why don’t you meet me after biology tomorrow we can go grab lunch together, I’ll introduce you to my friends.” 

“Yeah sure, sounds great, I can’t wait.” Sam smiled as he walked towards the door and thought about the Quinn all the way home. Sam had had crushes on girls before, he had kissed a few in other towns, but this felt different, this fluttering in his stomach made him feel warm inside. By the time Sam got back to the apartment, he was starting to get hard, and since Dean wasn’t home yet, he decided to go take care of his little problem during a hot shower. He couldn’t wait until tomorrow, he would get to have lunch with Quinn and maybe he would finally make some friends in this town. 

Dean walked into the apartment at 4:30, with pizza in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other and   
kicked the door closed with his foot. 

“Sammy?” He called. “Come eat.” 

“I’ll be out in a minute!” Sam called. The shower was running so Dean put the pizza on the table and grabbed some paper plates out of the cupboard, like hell he was gonna do dishes when he wasn’t cooking. Ten minutes later, Sam still wasn’t out of the bathroom so Dean knocked hard on the door. 

“Sam, stop jacking off, and get out here!” 

“Shut up Dean!” The water shut off and Dean smirked. If he couldn’t stop his little brother from growing up he sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy on him. He was going to embarrass the hell out of him every step of the way. Sam came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and made it back to the bedroom he shared with Dean so he could get changed. He came back and gave Dean his typical bitch face before sitting down and grabbing some pizza from the box and eating it greedily. 

“How long does it take for you to charm the python Sammy?” Sam turned bright red.

“Shut up Dean.” 

“Awwww c’mon Sammy don’t be such a prude.”

“Fuck off Dean! Don’t you think this is an inappropriate conversation for dinner time?”

“Fine I am done, for now at least. Beer?” Dean handed the beer over to his little brother. John didn’t really care if they had a few drinks as long as it didn’t interfere with hunts. If Sam and Dean were old enough to hunt a werewolf, they were old enough to have a few beers with dinner. 

“Thanks.” Sam mumbled. 

“How’s school going?” 

“Fine.” Dean was getting frustrated with Sam’s one word answers, he missed the little kid who would spill everything to him, now all he did was fight with his father and ignore his older brother. 

“Care to elaborate?” Sam shrugged as he took a fourth slice of pizza. 

“Kinda boring, learning the same crap that I did at the last school, but I have made some friends and stuff.” Dean quirked his eyebrow.

“And stuff?”

“Yeah you know…” Dean smiled widely.

“Awww Sammy’s got himself a girlfriend.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend...”

“But you want her to be. Who is she, what’s her name?”

“Quinn, she is in my biology class. She’s got blonde hair and green eyes, I am gonna have lunch   
with her tomorrow, and she is gonna introduce me to some of her friends.

“Well good for you Sammy, at least now I know who you were thinking about in the shower today.”

“Deaaaannn!” Sam whined. 

“Alright, alright I’ll leave it alone. You got homework?” 

“Yeah got a write an essay on To Kill A Mockingbird.”

“Again? Isn’t that like the fourth time.” 

“Tell me about it, I need to start keeping them, it would save me some time and energy rewriting   
the same thing every time.”

“Like you would ever do that, isn’t that considered cheating in Sam’s Geek Guide?” Sam flipped his brother off and walked over to the living room sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. The essay wasn’t due for another week but Sam figured he had read the book enough times he could get it done by Saturday and then he wouldn’t have to worry about it for the rest of the week. He wrote half of his rough copy and figured that was enough for tonight then sat down beside Dean to watch TV. Dean had put on Lethal Weapon, and Sam watched it silently until he began to drift off. He was woken up when Dean hit him in the face with a pillow. 

“You’re such a dick Dean…”

“That’s my job, go to sleep Sammy, I gotta go into the garage early tomorrow so do you want a ride to school?” Sam rubbed at his eyes.

“Yeah sure sounds good, night Dean.” Sam crawled into his bed, and went to sleep, dreaming about Quinn, and how perfect she was. By the time Dean came in to go to sleep, Sam was sleeping with a wide smile on his face and was making some serious happy noises, Dean smirked and shook his head this girl obviously had his brother wrapped around his finger. 

Sam woke to the sound of his alarm going off and jumped out of bed. He usually wasn’t a morning person, but the thought of spending lunchtime with Quinn made his heart ache. He quickly dressed and walked out to the kitchen where Dean was sitting sipping coffee and reading the paper. 

“Morning Dean.” Sam said pouring a cup of coffee for himself, and grabbing an apple from the fridge. 

“Morning. Dad called this morning.” Sam’s stomach dropped, they couldn’t be leaving yet, not when he was just starting to make friends. 

“What did he say?” 

“He is coming back tonight, so he can recuperate from the last hunt, and then there are a few more hunts in surrounding towns, so sounds like we may be sticking around here for awhile.” Dean smiled knowingly at Sam, he knew his brother hated moving.

“Really? How long?”

“3 months at least.” 

“Okay, cool!” Sam chugged the cup of coffee in front of him and put the cup in the sink, Dean frowned. 

“Do you even taste that?” 

“I don’t want to taste it, I want the caffeine.” Dean snorted and his little brother.

“Yeah… I wouldn’t want to taste the cream and sugar filled girly drink you call coffee either.” Sam   
flipped his brother the finger. “You ready to go?” Sam grabbed his homework off the coffee table and stuffed it into his backpack that he slung over his shoulder. The two brothers walked out to the Impala and made there way to the school. When they pulled up Quinn was sitting on the school steps, and she waved at Sam who waved back.

“That the girl?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, Quinn.”

“Good for you Sammy, she’s hot. Have a good time today. No sex in the girls bathroom.” 

“Jesus Dean, who in their right mind would ever even think about doing that?” Dean smirked.

“Oh Sammy, when a girl asks, you never say no to getting in her pants, and when Hannah Maloney asks you to do it in a bathroom stall with her you don’t say no.” 

“Ughhh… you are nauseating.” Sam said getting out of the car. He started walking towards Quinn, when he heard the horn honking behind him.

“Make good choices!” Dean yelled. Sam groaned and ignored his brother’s antics. Quinn was smirking and attempting to hold in her laughter.

“Older brother?” Mya asked. 

“We don’t know that, he could be adopted.” Sam said. 

“Are you guys close?” Sam didn’t really know how to answer that. They were close, closer then most siblings, but that was because Dean practically raised him, how do you tell someone that?

“Well yeah… we are. My mom died when I was little and my Dad works a lot, so most of the time it was just Dean and I. He has always been kind of responsible for me.” 

“I’m sorry about your Mom… but I am glad you guys have each other.” 

“Thanks, and yeah me too… most of the time when he isn’t trying to embarrass the hell out of me.” Quinn laughed. 

“I think that is kind of in the job description.” The bell rang and Sam and Quinn picked up there stuff. “Well, I gotta go, Mrs. Dobson gives us detention if we are late, I’ll see you in biology. We still on for lunch today?”

“Of course, I can’t wait.” 

“Okay, great. See you later.” Quinn leaned forward and gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek and walked away. Sam stood there gawking at her retreating figure for a minute before coming back to reality and heading to class. First and second period went by slowly, and by the time biology was over, he had felt like he had been at school for a week. He was cleaning up his stuff that was sprawled all over the desk, when Quinn came over to stand by him. 

“Hey Quinn, you ready for lunch?” 

“Definitely, I just want to drop my books off at my locker, you need to go to yours?”

“Errr yeah, but mine is right around the corner.” 

“Okay, we will go to yours first.” They made their way to Sam’s locker and then to Quinn’s and then Sam got confused when they started heading the opposite direction of the cafeteria. 

“Uhhh… isn’t the cafeteria that way?” Sam asked.

“Yep, but we don’t eat in the cafeteria, on nice days we eat outside, there are some picnic tables out back.” Sam nodded, and they made their way out the back doors and towards four other kids who were already sitting at the picnic table. 

“Hey Quinn, you got a stray following you!” A brunette yelled. She had purple streaks in her hair, and a hoop through her nose. She was wearing an old faded Guns N Roses shirt that Sam couldn’t help but think was something like his brother would wear. 

“I am quite aware, I asked him to come have lunch with us.” The brunette hopped of the bench and came over to Sam.

“Hi, I’m Ren.” She held out her hand and Sam shook it awkwardly. 

“I’m Sam.” 

“Nice to meet you Sam. That’s Bryan.” She pointed to a boy in a lettermen jacket behind her who waved at him then looked back down at his lunch. “And over there the two who insist on making out on the table where we eat, is Patrick and Blair.” She threw a pinecone at the two and their lips separated, and Blair sat in Patrick’s lap instead. 

“Nice to meet you Sam, here have a seat.” Patrick said. Sam sat down at the table and Quinn sat   
down to his left. 

“So, I haven’t seen you around before, you new here?” Blair asked.

“Uhhh… yeah, I just moved here three weeks ago.”

“Where from?” Ren asked.

“We move around a lot, but originally I am from Kansas.” 

“Hey Bryan, aren’t you from Kansas?” Patrick asked nudging his friend with his elbow. 

“Yeah, I moved here five years ago from Kansas City. Where are you from?”

“I was born in Lawrence, but I haven’t lived there since I was a baby.” Bryan nodded, and went back to eating, he obviously wasn’t the most talkative of the group. The conversation went like that for a while, talking about where Sam was from, and what he was interested in, and what his favourite subjects were in school. Basic conversations that you have with people to get to know them but that no one actually cares about. 

“Well fifteen minutes left until class starts, that is my cue for a smoke break.” Ren pulled a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out of her backpack and inhaled the smoke as she lit the cigarette in her hands. Slowly everyone pulled their packs out of their bags and lit up themselves. Sam sat there awkwardly in a cloud of cigarette smoke. 

“Hey Sam, you smoke?” Patrick asked, Sam shifted uncomfortably as all eyes were suddenly on him. 

“No, I don’t.” 

“Have you ever tried it?” Sam shook his head. Patrick held his pack out to Sam.

“You want one?” Sam sat there looking at the pack then at his new friends sitting around him. He   
liked this group of people, he felt like he finally had friends. So as teenagers tend to do, he caved,   
allowing the group dynamic to push him into doing something he wasn’t really sue he wanted to do. He grabbed a cigarette out of the pack, lit it and inhaled. His eyes started to water as he choked on the smoked that made him feel like his lungs had been completely emptied of oxygen. He hacked violently and looked at the cigarette in his hand.

“God, that is awful, how do you guys deal with this?” Sam asked. Quinn giggled beside him and inhaled the smoke from her own cigarette. 

“First one is always the worst. Take a few more, it gets better.” She was leaning against his shoulder so he did as she said and took a few more drags. Each one hurt a little less, and he felt a slight fog in his brain. 

“Is it supposed to make me feel… a little weird?” 

“Yeah, it kinda gives you a little bit of a buzz, feels good doesn’t it?” Blair asked. Did it feel good? Sam had a pretty girl under his arm, and was surrounded by people who wanted to be his friends. Now that he was done his first cigarette he liked the feeling it gave him, and it was a feeling he could get used to. 

“Yeah, it does feel good.” Sam answered, and he meant so much more then just the cigarette smoke. The final lunch bell rang and the group of teens groaned as they got up from the table. 

“Two more periods to survive, then we can get the hell out of here.” Ren said. “We will see on Monday Sam?” 

“Yeah, if that’s okay with all of you.” The people around him smiled, and Patrick came and patted him on the back. 

“Hell yeah it’s okay with us, it’ll be nice to get a little more testosterone in this group.” The six teenagers walked back into the school and the other four broke away from Quinn and Sam to go to their classes. Quinn walked with Sam to his locker and he looked at her curiously.

“Aren’t you gonna be late for class?” 

“Nope, this is my free period I usually go home this period because I live down the street, then I come back for last period.” 

“Oh okay, then why haven’t you gone home yet?” Quinn leaned into Sam’s chest and looked up at him. 

“Because, I wanted to give you this.” She stood up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Sam’s lips. She   
tasted like cherry chapstick and cigarette smoke, and it somehow made Sam like the taste of cigarettes even more. Sam kissed back gently, and then after a few seconds Quinn pulled back from the kiss and smiled. “I’ll see you on Monday Sam.” Quinn said. Then she smiled that wide grin that made Sam melt and walked the other way. Yep this had definitely turned out to be a pretty amazing day.

When Sam walked out of the school he made his way towards the Impala that was pulled up to the curb, Dean always got off work early on Fridays, so he always picked Sam up. Sam opened the door and slid in.

“Hey Sammy, how was school?” Dean asked as the engine rumbled to life. 

“It was good.” 

“So lunch was good with that Quinn girl?” 

“Yeah she’s cool, her friends are pretty awesome too, they invited me to hang out with them from now on.” Dean nodded.

“Glad you are making friends.” Dean suddenly leaned towards Sam and sniffed his hair.

“Uhhh… what are you doing?” 

“Dude, you stink like smoke.” Sam’s eyes widened, why didn’t he think of that? Nobody in his family smoked, of course someone was going to notice.

“Yeah, we ate outside today since it was nice out, I’m in high school Dean, people smoke.” Dean eyed him for a moment then seemed to deflate. 

“Yeah I guess you’re right, but if I ever catch you smoking I will kick your ass.” Sam just nodded, but he already new he was going to smoke again; he liked the way it made him feel. 

“Dad home yet?” 

“Yep, he got home about an hour ago, he seems to be in an overly good mood.” 

“Hunt must have gone well.” 

“Yeah I guess so, he is making dinner for us.” Sam stared questioningly at his brother.

“Did you just say Dad is making dinner?” Dean snorted.

“Yeah, spaghetti should be… interesting.” John Winchester was good at many things, cooking had never been one of them. Sam and Dean pulled into the driveway and walked into the house where their Dad was sitting at the table in the kitchen. He looked up when his sons walked in.

“Boys.” 

“Hello sir.” Dean said. 

“Hey Dad.” Sam said, and practically skipped into the bedroom, John watched him go and then quirked an eyebrow at his oldest.

“What’s with the shit eaten grin on his face?” Dean snorted and sat down across from his father. 

“Oh nothing, our little Sammy is growing up.” 

“What?”

“Sammy’s got a crush on a girl, seems like she likes him too.” John exhaled.

“Oh thank God, I thought you were gonna tell me he slept with someone.” Dean laughed.

“C’mon Dad, it’s Sam, he is gonna be a virgin for the rest of his life, waiting for the perfect girl and a romantic night and sappy shit like that.”

“Yeah well, what he doesn’t do you sure made up for when you were in high school.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam made his way back into the room and sat down at the table with the two older Winchesters.

“Oh c’mon Dean, by the time you were fifteen you were practically keeping the condom corporations in business.” Dean began to blush, he wasn’t really shy about his sexual exploits, but it was different coming from his father. 

“Dad stop, virgin ears.” He said pointing to Sam.

“Shut up Dean.” Sam said batting his hand away. The conversation was over for now, and dinner went pretty well. With Dean’s help John managed to make dinner without burning down the kitchen. It was nice, the three of them sitting down for a meal with no fighting or talking about hunting, and after dinner and a little TV Sam retreated to his bedroom to finish the rough copy of his essay, he really wanted to get it done. He was almost done when Dean walked into the bedroom and flopped down on the bed. 

“Dude, it’s Friday night, isn’t there a law against doing homework or something?”

“In your world, it is against the law to do homework on any day.” Dean laughed.

“Yeah I guess that’s true, seriously though, shut that for tonight, tell me about this girl.” Sam sighed and closed the book, sometime it got hard to talk to Dean, but he knew that was because he was awkward not because Dean was hard to talk to. Anything he said, Dean would take to his grave, he would never tell anyone else, not even their Dad. 

“She’s cool, she is girly, but she has an edge to her, so it isn’t like she is delicate, and I like her friends, they seem like fun people.” 

”She’s hot, she likes you, you like her, and you are best friend approved, you are totally in Sam! Jump on that.” Sam blushed thinking about the kiss. Dean grinned like a cat, he already knew. “Sammy, did you already make a move?”

“Yeah, well technically she did. She kissed me at my locker today.” 

“A girl who takes control, sometimes that the best way. Did you kiss her back or did you do that awkward doe eyed thing that makes you look like a six year old?” Sam threw a balled up piece of paper at his brother’s head.

“I kissed her back.” 

“Sammy, you sly dog.” Sam smiled and hid under his hair. Dean suddenly got serious and leaned forward.

“Look Sam, umm… I know you really like this girl, and I mean you are fifteen so I know the things   
going through your head, and you know your hormones are raging and stuff…” Sam’s eyes went wide   
and he stared hard at his brother.

“Oh my God, please tell me you are not trying to give me the sex talk right now…” Sam said in disgust.

“Well…” 

“Dean, stop please stop, I know okay. Just do not do this. “ Dean smiled, but Sam could tell he was just as uncomfortable having this conversation as Sam was. John must have talked him into doing this so he wouldn’t have to do his fatherly responsibility and do it himself. Thank God for that, because having this discussion with Dean was embarrassing, but having this conversation with his Dad would have been the death of him. 

“Okay, we won’t but you know if you have any questions, you can always ask me right?” 

“I know Dean.” Dean nodded and slid his duffel out from under his bed, and took out a box of condoms.

“Just take some of these, and put them in your bag, I promise I won’t bring it up again unless you ask. Just remember if things get heated to use them, and then I will stay out of it. Okay?” Sam nodded and took the condoms out of Dean’s hand and slipped them into the front pocket of his bag. “I’m gonna go watch some TV with Dad, you coming?” 

“Nope, gonna finish my homework then go to sleep, I am kinda tired.” 

“Alright Sammy, goodnight.” Dean closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a second. He felt like he had done his big brother duty, preparing Sam for what was probably going to happen sometime soon. And even though Dean knew he did the right thing, he secretly wished that Sam would just stay a kid forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: 

Sam woke up Saturday morning when the sun began to shine brightly through the thin curtains on the bedroom window. He squinted his eyes and turned towards Dean’s side of the room. His brother was sprawled out over the bed snoring quietly, Dean always slept in on Saturdays when they weren’t on a hunt, he didn’t ask for much and he did so much for his family so John and Sam always let him have that little bit of extra sleep, they owed him that. Sam picked up a t-shirt off the floor and through it on before tiptoeing past Dean’s bed and out into the hallway. His dad was sitting in the kitchen with some papers and his journal sprawled out in front of him. 

“Hey Dad.” 

“Morning Sam. Dean still asleep?”

“Yes sir.” John nodded and returned to his work in front of him. Sam poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down across from his father. John was scribbling down notes and going through police files, his journal was opened up to the page marked shapeshifters. 

“Damn it…” John muttered under his breath. Sam placed his bowl back in the sink.

“Do you want some help?” John looked at Sam with a shocked expression on his face. 

“Are you offering to help me research?” Sam shrugged.

“Well, if you want my help. Researching is the part I am actually good at.” Sam said. John laughed, but didn’t correct him. Sam was hoping for John to tell him that he was good at hunting too, maybe give him some kind of praise, but he didn’t.

“You can take a look at these police files, see if you can find any kind of pattern with the victims.” Sam took the files from his father and sat down at the table. He opened them up and looked at the grizzly photos in front of him. Looking at innocent people mauled by monsters was something Sam didn’t ever think he would get used to. All the victims were missing their hearts, but none of the attacks had happened on or during the days leading up to the full moon. Other then the way they died the victims didn’t seem to have anything in common, but he could feel John watching him, so he kept on searching, there had to be something. Sam didn’t look up from the pages until he heard Dean walk into the kitchen. He looked up at his brother whose hair was sticking up in all direction and he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Morning Dean.” John said without looking up. 

“Morning Dad, what you guys doing?” 

“Research, hunt a few towns away. I think it is a shapeshifter but I need to figure out who it is. Sam is looking over the police reports.” Dean looked at his brother. Sam was researching on a Saturday? Normally that would have caused a huge fight. 

“What have you found?”

“Nothing so far.” John muttered. Sam suddenly jumped from his chair and flipped all the reports to the same page.

“Hey Dad, do you know what the population of this town is?” 

“Uhhh yeah…” John shuffled the papers in front of him around until he found the page of town statistics. “35, 000 people, it isn’t a small town.” Sam smiled.

“Okay, so get this, in a town of 35, 000 people, what are the odds that every case has the same police officer as a first responder?” Sam turned the police reports towards his Dad, and Dean came   
around to look at them. “John Thomas Cole was the first officer at every crime scene. Not only that, he transferred here seven months ago from a precinct in Baltimore three weeks before the first attack.” 

“Huh, I can’t believe I missed that. Looks like I may be heading out a few days early.”

“How early Dad?” Dean asked.

“Tuesday probably, can’t wait too long, people are dying.” John got up from the table and put his coffee cup in the sink. “I’m going to shower.” He walked out of the room.

“Good job Sammy.” Dean said. 

“Thanks…” Sam said, but Dean wasn’t the person he wanted to hear that from.

“So any particular reason you volunteered to research?” 

“No, I just didn’t have anything better to do.” 

“What about homework?”

“Finished my rough copy last night, I’ll do my good copy tomorrow.” Dean nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but the phone behind him rang so he turned to answer it. 

“This is Dean.” Dean listened to the other end then smiled wryly at Sam. “Yeah he is right here, hang on a second. Oh Sammy, Quinn’s on the phone.” Sam jumped out of the chair and grabbed the phone from his brother. 

“Hey, Quinn.” 

“Hey Sammy.” Sam groaned. 

“God don’t you start, I already got an older brother who won’t stop that.” 

“Alright Sam, what’s up?”

“Uhh… nothing really, just chilling out with my dad and brother. It’s nice to hear from you but… how did you get this number?” 

“My aunt works in the admissions office at the school, I got it off your records.” Sam laughed.

“You hacked my records? That’s a trick.” Quinn giggled.

“Oh I am full of surprises. Anyway, back to why I called, what are you doing tonight?”

“I don’t really know, depends on if my Dad has made plans with us or anything, why what’s going on?” 

“Well everyone is going to Patrick’s place, to watch some movies and just hang out, what do you think? You wanna come?” 

Ummm… I have to ask, hang on a second.” Sam put the phone down on the counter and walked back into the living room. Dean was sitting on the couch attempting to watch TV and read an auto magazine at the same time. 

“Hey Dean, Dad still in the shower?” 

“Yep, what’s up Sam?” 

“Well Quinn asked if I wanted to hang out at our friend Patrick’s place, do you think I’d be allowed?” 

“Well… what are you guys gonna be doing?” 

“Nothing, just watching movies and stuff.” 

“Tell her you’ll be there.” 

“Shouldn’t I ask Dad first?” 

“Sammy, you did a bunch of research today, you broke the case, you need to have a life outside of us, I’ll cover you with Dad.” Sam was lucky to have Dean as a brother, he was also glad that Dean had practically raised him, so John rarely questioned Dean’s decision when it came to Sam.

“Thanks Dean.” Sam raced back to the phone. “Quinn? You still there?” 

“Yep, what did he say?”

“I can come, where’s Patrick’s house?”

“611 Acton Avenue. Do you need a ride?”

“No thanks, I don’t leave far from there I can walk, what time do you want to meet?”   
“Well, I am gonna go over there in half an hour.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“See you soon Sam.” Sam hung up the phone and ran back into his bedroom and grabbed some clean clothes and out them on then grabbed his keys off the table.

“See you later Dean!” 

“Sam wait, take my cell phone, just in case. And be home by eleven okay?” 

“Okay.”

“Have fun.” Sam walked out of the house and bounded down the stairs heading toward Patrick’s   
house. It was probably close to a twenty minute walk, but Sam enjoyed it, he couldn’t wait to hang out with his friends. He saw Quinn getting out a van as he walked up the street and she saw him waved and walked towards him and gave him a hug. 

“I am so glad you decided to come.” 

“Yeah me too.” Quinn grabbed Sam’s hand and pulled him along the sidewalk and into the house. “Patrick! Where are you?” 

“We’re in the basement!” Patrick called up the stairs. Sam made his way downstairs behind Quinn where there was a big screen TV and some leather couches. There was a bedroom off to the side, which he assumed was Patrick’s room.

“Hey Sam, glad you could make it.” Patrick said. Ren and Blair were sitting on the couch that was against the wall whispering to each other about something. Bryan came down the stairs and gave Sam a nod and held up two six packs. 

“Who wants a beer?” Everyone grabbed one and Quinn handed one to Sam. 

“Do you drink?” 

“Uhmmm yeah occasionally with my brother and my Dad.”

“Your Dad lets you drink?” Ren asked.

“Well, he doesn’t mind if we have a few beers now and again, he’s a Vietnam War veteran, drinking is kind of in his DNA.” Everyone laughed, and Sam smiled awkwardly.

“Alright, what do we want to watch?” 

“Put on a horror movie!” Blair said. Everyone agreed on Poltergeist and Sam couldn’t help but roll his eyes. If only His friends new what poltergeists were really like, this is the type of movie Dean and him would spend hours laughing about the mistakes that were made in the movie. But with Quinn leaning against his chest, he felt completely at ease, he reached his hand up and stoked her hair and she leaned into his touch. He missed most of the movie, but he didn’t care. By the time the movie was over it was eight o’clock and everyone went out back to get some air and have a smoke. Quinn tapped Sam on the shoulder and handed him an unopened pack of cigarettes and a plastic green light.

“I brought you your own so you won’t have to bum off of us anymore.” Quinn said. 

“Thanks.” Sam smiled and pulled the cellophane off the outside of the pack and took out a cigarette. He lit it and inhaled the smoke and felt himself relax into a haze of smoke and alcohol. 

“Hey, Bryan are you staying here tonight?” Patrick asked. 

“Yeah, I don’t feel like going home.” 

“Alright, Quinn’s mom is picking up you girls at midnight right?” 

“Yeah, is that too late?”

“No, it’s fine, Sam? What time you gotta leave?”

“I have to be home by eleven, so I gotta leave here by 1030… next time hopefully I can stay later.” 

“No big Sam, it was kinda last minute. We got an hour and half anyone interested in a little green?” Patrick held up a baggy, and Sam saw what appeared to be joints in the bag. 

“Drinking a couple beers is one thing, but won’t your parents freak if they catch us doing that?” Sam asked. Patrick laughed.

“My parents are in Florida for the next two weeks, they ain’t gonna find nothing out.” Patrick passed the joints around the group and Sam held it in his hands. It was just weed, what’s the worst that could happen? Sam lit it and took a drag from the joint; it was different then smoking a cigarette he didn’t feel anything at first, but then he started to feel like he was kind of floating, he was overcome with an instant calm. 

“You okay Sam?” Quinn asked. Sam smiled down at her and grabbed her gently by the hips and pulled her close. 

“I’m great Quinn.” Sam leaned down and kissed her on the lips, and after a second she kissed back opening her mouth slightly and Sam slipped his tongue inside her mouth. They savored in the kiss for a moment before they heard a whistling and laughing from their friends that brought them back to reality. 

“And you guys all complain about me and Patrick kissing, we have   
never gotten that hot and bothered.” Blair said. The six friends sat out back   
for awhile until 10:30 rolled around and Sam sighed. 

“I gotta get going.” Sam said. “I’ll see you guys on Monday alright?” 

“I’ll walk you out.” Quinn said. Sam said his goodbyes to the rest of   
his friends, and walked up the stairs and out the front door with Quinn. Before   
he left he turned around and faced her and give her a quick kiss. She smiled up   
at him.

“Sam what does all this mean?” 

“I don’t know…”

“Do you like me?”

“More then even know. Do you like me?”

“Yes. So does that mean this is official?” 

“Absolutely.” Quinn giggled and kissed Sam again. 

“I’ll see you on Monday.” She turned and walked back into the house Sam began the trek home. He felt   
like he was walking on air, and he wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or it was because he was feeling amazing about his new girlfriend. Either way, he was spacey and he almost missed the ringing of the cellphone in his pocket. He almost dropped it whipping it out of his pocket and caught it on the last ring. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Sam, just wanted to make sure you were on your way back.”

“Uhhh yeah I am, I should be back in like ten minutes.” 

“You okay Sammy? You sound… off…” 

“Yeah m’fine just tired. I’ll be home soon.” 

“Alright, see you in bit.” Dean hung up and Sam must have held the phone to his head for two minutes before he realized it, and by that point he was turning onto his street. He stumbled up the stairs of the house and unlocked the door. John was sitting at the tabled drinking a beer and didn’t even look up as Sam walked in, so he walked past him and into the bedroom. Dean was sitting on his bed with his eyes closed, headphones in and his Walkman on, but his big brother sense went off as soon as Sam closed the door. 

“How’d it go kid?” 

“It was good. Had a good time. Here’s your phone back.” Sam tossed the phone in Dean’s lap and walked over to his dresser to get changed. He took off his shirt and jeans and changed into some track pants and an old t-shirt he wasn’t sure had originally belonged to his Dad or Dean. Living with two other guys, you learn there is no point of being embarrassed of getting changed around them when you were constantly living in each other’s pockets. Dean was watching Sam as he moved around the room and it made his skin crawl. 

“Can I help you with something Dean?” Sam said more snappily then he meant to. Dean noticed because he frowned and sat up in his bed. 

“I thought you had a good night?”

“I did.”

“Then why are you being a little bitch?” Sam groaned.

“I’m sorry okay? I’m just tired.” Dean frowned again and stood up putting his arm against Sam’s head, which Sam pushed away. “I’m not sick Dean.” Dean’s eyes narrowed. 

“If you aren’t sick, then why are your eyes red and glazed?” Sam felt panic building up inside of him. 

“I’m just tired, I was up early, and then I researched, and then I went out. I’m fine.” Sam wasn’t sure that Dean believed him, he couldn’t read that look that was on Dean’s face, but after a minute Dean seemed to deflate and went back to sit on his bed, picking up his Walkman.

“Go to sleep Sam.” Dean said, and put his headphones back in. He had suspicions that Sam was up to something, but he had no proof, and the big brother in him wanted to believe that is little brother would never do something stupid, and for now he let that part of him win, Sammy couldn’t be up to something, and even a he looked at his brother who had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, he couldn’t find it in himself to believe that Sam had gotten himself into trouble. 

Sam did not want to wake up Sunday morning, it was 10 o’clock and he was still groggy, but he knew he couldn’t sleep the day away. He sat up in his bad and rubbed at his eyes, he had a slight headache, but that was probably just from the weed since he had never done it before. Sam pushed himself out of bed and went to his dresser to grab some clothes. When he turned around he jumped and swore under his breath because Dean was sitting on his bed watching him. 

“Jesus Christ, hasn’t anyone ever told you it is creepy to watch people sleep?” Sam snarled. 

“Dude, it took you five minutes to notice there was someone in the room with you, that’s pathetic.” Dean replied. “Your brain must not be firing on all cylinders today.” Dean stood up and crossed the room until he was standing in front of Sam. “What did you do last night?” 

“Nothing Dean, we watched some movies and we had a few beers, and then I came home.” 

“If you were drinking you should have told me. I would have come pick you up.”

“I had like two beers, I wasn’t drunk. You know if I needed a ride I would have called you.” Dean couldn’t deny that, Sam had always let him know if he needed help. 

“Yeah you’re right, I’m sorry, you just seemed out of it last night.” Sam breathed a sigh of relief that Dean was dropping the subject. 

“No big deal Dean. I need to finish my homework.” Dean nodded and walked out of the room leaving Sam by himself. Sam spent the day rewriting his essay and thinking about the night before. He liked being high, it had been a long time since he had felt as calm as he did the night before. Some part of his brain told him what he was doing was wrong, and he felt guilty for lying to Dean, he had never lied to his brother before, but a bigger part of him loved he feeling, and didn’t want to stop, and then there was Quinn. He really liked this girl, and he really liked hanging out with her and her friends. If they all smoked weed and they were fine, why couldn’t he do it? At that moment Sam had no idea he had just started down a dark road that would destroy his life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: 

Monday morning Sam got up early so he could shower before school, he stood under the spray and he was thinking about two things: Quinn and a cigarette. It was weird, because Sam considered himself a pretty smart kid, he knew that smoking was bad for him, but he never once thought about how fast nicotine could enter the blood stream and get him hooked on the habit. But at this point he didn’t really care because it calmed his nerves and made him feel happy. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel before heading back into his bedroom to find something to wear. He was digging through the clothes in the bedroom trying to find something clean; he really needed to do laundry. 

Eventually he found a clean tshirt that he wasn’t sure belonged to him or Dean, but it didn’t really matter. When you spend your life living out of the trunk of a car and random hotel rooms scattered across the United States, clothing becomes something that constantly switches hands and no one ever says anything. Sam walked into the kitchen and dropped his backpack on the floor. Dean and John sitting at the table looking over some papers, and Sam grabbed some coffee and an apple for breakfast, before walking over and plopping down in a chair beside his brother and father.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked. 

“Someone else died, I have to go on this hunt today, it can’t wait any longer since this thing doesn’t appear to be sticking to a schedule.” 

“Dad you can’t go on this hunt without back up.” Dean said.

“I’m not Dean, I’ve got Bobby and Jim meeting me out there.” John stared directly at Sam. “Sam, when I get back we need to talk.” 

“Talk about what Dad?” Sam asked. 

“Sam, I can’t bring your brother on this hunt because he needs to work, so we have money to pay rent, so you can stay in one place and go to school. Next year you are going to be sixteen, and I want you to get your GED so we can stop doing this. It’ will be easier on everyone.” 

“What, you want me to drop out of school? Dad I’m not gonna do that! What about my future?” Sam stood up and pushed the chair back. John stood up and straightened his back defensively. 

“Your future is the family business, and it’s time for you to start carrying your weight, this isn’t up for debate, it’s an order.” John and Sam were standing toe to toe and Dean was standing off to the side attempting to stay out of the argument. Sam was visibly shaking with anger. 

“The family business isn’t a future, it’s a fucking death sentence.” Sam ground out, and before anyone knew what happened Sam was stumbling back from his father who had just hit him hard across the face. Sam brought a hand to his lip and it came away bloody, and for a second it seemed like the world stopped, and nobody moved or said anything, John may have been a drill sergeant, but he had never raised a hand to either of his sons. 

“Sam…” John said quietly. Sam saw regret in his eyes, but he didn’t care, he didn’t want an apology. 

“Go to hell.” Sam said, he picked up his bag and slammed the door behind him. He walked a couple of blocks before stopping so he could wipe the blood from his split lip. It was burning, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. As pissed as he was, he didn’t want anyone assuming he was being abused because he looked like a battered puppy. As he was cleaning up he heard a familiar rumbling coming down the road. He would recognize that engine anywhere. The Impala pulled up beside him and Dean reached over to roll down the window. 

“Get in Sammy.” Dean said.

“Why? I don’t need you to chew me out okay?”

“I’m not gonna chew you out, just get in, I’ll give you a lift.” Sam sighed but complied, none of this was Dean’s fault, he had no reason to be mad at him. He slid into the car beside his brother but kept his eyes downcast. When the car didn’t start moving Sam looked up at his brother.

“What are we doing Dean?” Dean watched his brother for a second, before bringing his hand to Sam’s face and tilting his chin to get a look at his face. 

“Are you okay?” Sam laughed and pulled away from Dean.

“M’fine Dean, I’ve been hit harder then that by middle school bullies back in the day.” 

“You know… Dad was out of line back there.” Sam rolled his eyes, because that was obviously the stupidest thing Dean could say at the moment. “But so were you… you gotta watch what you say Sam.” 

Sam clenched his fists, even when his Dad had punched Sam in the mouth Dean, John’s perfect little   
soldier still stood up for what his Dad said, as if asking your youngest son to drop out of high school and hunt monsters full time was a totally sane thing to ask. 

“Can you take me to school now?” Dean sighed but turned on the Impala’s ignition.

“Sure Sammy.” The rest of the car ride was silent until they pulled up in front of Sam’s school. “I am getting off early tonight, I’ll be here to pick you up, okay?” 

“Yeah okay.” Sam shut the door behind him and walked around to the back of the school to the benches where all his friends were sitting. Quinn bounded over and planted a kiss on Sam’s mouth, and he winced back, she looked at him curiously and then looked at the split in his lip.

“Sam, what happened?” She asked. 

“Nothing, me and my brother were sparring and it got a little rough, it happens sometimes.” 

“Sparring? You and your brother spar?”

“Yeah, my Dad taught us both to fight, it is just another thing you learn from an ex-military father.” Quinn laughed and they walked towards the rest of the group. Sam sat down on the bench and pulled out the pack of cigarettes that Quinn had given him on Saturday and lit one. Sam sat there inhaling deeply and exhaling all the stress from this morning. When the bell rang Sam groaned.

“Ughh, here we go again, another five days of hell starts now. Lets go guys.” Ren said. Sam began to follow them, but Quinn grabbed his arm and pulled him back. 

“I don’t know about you, but I really don’t feel like going to class.” Sam normally wouldn’t skip class, but if his Dad was going to make him drop out anyway, what the hell was the point of wasting his time?

“Well, I have to go after lunch, cause Dean is picking me up after school, but what you have in   
mind?” Quinn smiled and kissed Sam one more time on the lips. 

“My mom’s at work, wanna go back to my place, we will come back for lunch to hang out with everyone.” Sam smiled down at the Quinn, she fit perfectly under his chin he wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on top of her head. 

“Sounds good to me babe.” The couple made there way down the street to Quinn’s house. It was nice, it wasn’t a huge house but it was definitely bigger then any place Sam had ever lived. I was a red brick house, with a wrap a round porch and a balcony on each of the bedrooms. Sam followed Quinn up to her room and she walked out onto the balcony. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a baggy full of joints and a lighter. 

“Want some?” Sam laughed.

“Where did you get that?” 

“Ren deals sometimes, so I grabbed some off of her before we left.” Sam smiled and walked out onto the balcony and grabbed the bag out of Quinn’s hand. 

“Lets do it, I could use some relaxation. I got this, a beautiful girl, sounds like a good morning to me.” Quinn laughed and Sam passed her a joint, took one out for himself and they sat on the balcony smoking them. After about twenty minutes Sam realized he didn’t feel the same as he did the last time they had smoked up. 

“Whoa.” Quinn said, leaning back in the chair. “Doesn’t this feel amazing?” 

“Yeah it does, but it feels different from last time doesn’t it?” Sam asked. Maybe it was just him that was feeling a strange reaction to the marijuana. 

“Yeah it does, but who cares, I feel amazing.” Quinn climbed up into Sam’s lap and put her lips against his; Sam opened his mouth and felt her tongue touch his making him gasp. There was a strange euphoria running through his veins, and it was more then just Quinn. His brain was going a million miles a minute, and he couldn’t find it in him to care. He ran his hands up Quinn’s sides until his hands were sitting on either side of her breasts. She let a groan out of her mouth and it made Sam want her even more. 

“God, Quinn…” Sam moaned. 

“C’mon Sam, lets go inside.” They stood up and made their way inside without ever separating from each other’s grasps. Quinn backed Sam up into the bed and he fell back, they both laughed and Quinn pulled Sam up and pulled his shirt over his head straddling his thighs. Any other day, this would be the time that Sam got all awkward and weird, but he just didn’t feel it, the energy was pulsing through his entire body and yet he couldn’t find it in himself to care about what was happening. Sam put his hands under Quinn’s shirt and unhooked the back of her bra so he could slip everything on top off at once. Once he did, and he saw how her blonde hair ran down over her breasts, Sam suddenly found a new hunger blooming inside of him. He picked Quinn up in his arms and placed her down on the bed so she was laying down under him. He kissed her again until she pushed back. 

“Wait Sam… I’ve never done this before…”

“Neither have I Quinn… Do you want to stop?” She smiled wildly and pulled him back down on top of her. 

“No way, take me all the way babe.” And by the time the high had started to recede, and it was getting close to the time to head back to school, Sam and Quinn were virgins no more. 

Sam could feel the high leaving him, and all he wanted was to find a way to bring it back. He had his arms wrapped around Quinn in the bed, she was beautiful, and her cream coloured skin was glowing against the aqua blue comforter. He didn’t want to move, he loved laying here and watching Quinn and gently stroking her hair, but looking the time he realized they had to head back to school. 

“We gotta head back for lunch Quinn.” She sighed and Sam felt her breath run across his chest, which made him shiver.

“But I don’t want to, I want to stay here with you.” Quinn whined. Sam laughed at her antics. 

“Neither do I, but I have to at least go to half my classes today.” She smiled and pushed back the covers exposing both of them, and turned her back to Sam while she put her clothes back on. Sam got up and did the same thing, and then came around the bed and kissed her gently. 

“Are you… do you regret doing that with me?” Sam asked. A voice inside him told him he shouldn’t have asked, but rational Sam had to know if it was Quinn who wanted to do that, or if it was the drugs that made her do it. She looked up at him and he saw no hint of fear or regret in her eyes, all he saw was love and truth. 

“Not for a second Sam.” 

“Good, me neither.” Quinn giggled and returned a kiss of her own and then picked up the bag with the remaining joints in it. “Wanna do one more before we go?” Sam felt his heart speed up at the thought of doing more. 

“Yeah, lets do it.” They smoked one more each and Sam felt that hyperactive high return, and he smiled to himself. He felt better then he had in a long time. Quinn and Sam ran back to the school, because they could and they had the energy to do it. They got back just as the bell rang, and sat at the picnic table waiting for everyone else to come out. They were laughing and Sam was kissing Quinn’s neck when they heard someone clearing their throat behind them. 

“Well, I guess we know what you guys were doing this morning.” Blair said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Ren laughed from beside her, and they sat down across from Sam and Quinn

“Where are Patrick and Bryan?” Sam asked. 

“Detention, apparently using basketballs as dodge balls in gym class is not an effective use of gym equipment.” Ren replied. “Whatever, obviously our friends are dumbasses. Can I bum a smoke off   
someone, I need to get my brother to buy me a new pack.” 

“Yeah here.” Sam passed her one, and took one out for himself. He knew he was hooked on the nicotine, but he no longer got that amazing feeling from his cigarettes anymore. He still liked the feeling, and the motion of bringing the cigarette to his mouth, but in comparison today this high sucked. The bell rang, and everyone stood up to go back to class. 

“I’m gonna go home, since I have this period off, I’ll meet you out front after school to say goodbye okay?” Quinn said.

“Oh yeah, you have third period off… you didn’t have to come back with me you know.” 

“I wanted to, I like spending lunch with everyone, I’ll see later.” 

“Okay, I’ll see later.” Sam kissed Quinn quickly and then followed Ren towards the school. Sam thought for a minute, Quinn said she had gotten the weed from Ren, and he wondered if she had anymore. “Hey Ren, wait up!” She stopped and turned back towards Sam. 

“What’s up Sam?”

“What was in that weed that you gave Quinn?” Ren smirked.

“You liked it?”

“Yeah, I mean, it made me feel amazing, I can still feel it now, its crazy.” 

“My brother laces his weed with cocaine, it makes you feel like you can fly, but it is nothing compared to doing it pure.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a baggy of white powder. “Wanna give it a whirl? “ Sam panicked, Dean would kill him. 

“Jesus Ren, I can’t do coke.” 

“You’ll be fine, just make a couple lines, and snort it, it’ll be the best you have ever felt.” She pushed the baggy into the front pocket of Sam’s jeans. “First bags on me, give it a try, and then let me know what you think.” Ren turned and walked away from Sam, and he put his hand on his pocket. He could never do cocaine, but he couldn’t just get rid of it either, it seemed wrong to throw it out. So Sam put it in his backpack and rushed to class. 

He couldn’t focus through his last two periods, he just wanted to move, and sitting down for two hours was killing him. He was bouncing his knee and he had no idea what his teacher had said during the lecture in his English class, and honestly he didn’t give a crap. He watched the clock tick down and then the second the bell rang he was out the door and standing at the front of the school waiting for Quinn. Dean wasn’t there yet, so Sam sat there, and as he sat there he felt the last of the buzz seep out of his brain. Quinn finally came down the stairs and leapt into Sam’s arms. 

“How was the rest of your day?” Quinn asked.

“Relatively boring, honestly I wasn’t really paying much attention.” Sam and Quinn sat there until Sam saw the Impala pull into the parking lot. “That’s my brother, I gotta go.” Sam kissed the top of Quinn’s head breathing in the smell of her hair. 

“Okay.” She kissed him, and then put her finger on the split on his lip. “Try not to get too rough if you spar with him tonight, God forbid your face gets messed up.” Sam laughed and kissed her back.

“I promise to be careful.” Sam walked away from Quinn and towards the car, and slid into the passenger seat and threw his backpack behind him into the backseat. 

“Well, looks like you had a good day Romeo.” Dean said with a ridiculously wide grin on his face. Sam blushed; Dean didn’t have to know everything that happened today.

“Yeah, it was a good day.” Sam rubbed a hand over his face, he could feel a headache building, and the sunlight was hurting his eyes. 

“You okay Sammy?” Dean asked concerned. 

“Yeah, I just have a bit of a headache, it isn’t a big deal.” 

“Okay, well let me know if you need Tylenol or something for it.”

“Yeah I will did Dad leave yet?” Dean sighed.

“He was gone when I got back from dropping you off at school, left a note saying he would be back in a week.” Sam nodded. Just because John Winchester said he was going to be back in a week, didn’t actually mean he would be. “So, since we got no Dad here and I really don’t feel like cooking tonight, you wanna grab some Chinese food and just chill out tonight?”

“Yeah that sounds good, I don’t have any homework or anything tonight, so it will be nice to just   
chill out.”

“Okay cool.” Sam and Dean walked into their house of the month and watched some TV for a couple of hours, and then Dean called the Chinese Restaurant to order some food. Sam was lounging on the couch and he was feeling steadily worse. The headache was becoming more intense and his hands were starting to shake. By the time the food arrived he was starting to feel nauseous, so he ate very little of his food. After dinner they watched a random zombie movie that was playing on cable, and Sam was trying his hardest to keep the food down. That lasted for about an hour, before he found himself running to the bathroom and spewing all the food that was in his stomach. Dean came running in behind him and put his hand on Sam’s back to comfort him. 

“Jesus Christ Sam are you okay?” 

“Sick…”

“Yeah I can see that.” Dean put his arm to his brother’s face and felt the fever and sweat. “Sam,   
you’re burning up, why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I felt fine earlier, it just came out of no where…” Dean frowned; it was kind of weird that Sam was   
all of the sudden sick. He hadn’t said anything in the morning, and his first complaint was that he said he had a headache after school. Sam was shaking under Dean’s hand, and his heart rate was very high.

“Alright Sammy, so much for hanging out tonight, I am gonna dose you up, and then you are gonna go to bed. You may be taking a couple days off school kiddo.” 

“I can’t do that De.”

“Why not? You won’t fail if you miss two days.” 

“Two and a half. I wasn’t in first or second period today either.” 

“You skipped class, where were you?” 

“I went to Quinn’s” 

“Why would you go to Quinn’s house on a school day geek boy?” 

“Her parents weren’t home?” 

“You poin…” Dean stalled and his eyes went wide. “Oooooooh, Sam did you, did you have…” Sam laughed through the pain in his head.

“I wasn’t gonna do it in the girls bathroom.” Sam replied. Dean couldn’t help it, he laughed. Sam went and had sex, he probably should be criticizing him, but he decided he wanted to play big brother and not Dad on this one.

“Looks like little Sammy is growing up. Dad is gonna freak when he finds out.”

“Well, I’m not gonna tell him, so unless you are, he isn’t gonna find out.”

“Hey my lips are sealed little brother, Dad would kill me if he found out you were deflowered on my watch.” Sam laughed, but then started to turn green again, and he dry heaved into the toilet. Sam was tired and his entire body hurt. 

“C’mon kiddo, time for bed.” Dean lifted Sam off the floor and carried him into the bedroom, which wasn’t easy considering the fact his little brother wasn’t so little anymore. He gave Sam some Tylenol and layed him down. 

“Good night Sammy.” Dean said and he sat on the other bed. He wanted to keep an eye on Sam’s fever. Sam was lying there, and all he could think about was that this had to be some kind of withdrawal from the cocaine in the weed. A small part of him told him that he would feel better if he just got it all out of his system, but a bigger part of Sam thought about the baggy of white powder in his back pack, and how amazing it could make him feel.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

When Sam woke up in the morning, he felt like he was dying. His head, was pounding he was shivering because he was freezing, but sweating because he was hot at the same time. When he sat up in his bed he felt nausea building up as the room spun around him. He groaned and rubbed his hand over his face, trying to stop the dizziness. 

“Sammy?” Sam jumped and saw Dean standing in the doorway of the bedroom. 

“w’time is it.” Sam slurred. 

“About 9:30.”

“Damn it, I’m late for school.” Sam pushed himself up from the bed and swayed, if Dean hadn’t of   
reached out to catch him he would have fallen straight on his face. 

“You aren’t going anywhere Sammy, you look like shit, you got a nasty fever, and you can’t even stand up with out trying to do a face plant. We are gonna hang out here today, alright?” Sam didn’t have the energy to argue so he just swallowed back the nausea and nodded his head. “Do you want to stay in here or go out to the couch?” 

“Couch, I don’t want to stay in here all day.” 

“Okay Sammy, Cmon, lets go.” Dean helped Sam walk from the bedroom to the living room and plopped him down on the couch so he could go make them something to eat. Sam really wasn’t hungry and after dinner the night before he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to keep it down. Dean passed Sam a can of ginger ale, and he sipped at it knowing if he didn’t Dean was going to force feed it to him anyway. Sam watched Dean in the kitchen as he tried to find something to make that would make Sam feel better, and at the sight Sam felt guilty. He had brought this on himself, by doing drugs, something that Sam never thought he would do, and for the first time he felt like he couldn’t be honest with Dean, he didn’t want Dean to be disappointed with him. Sam hated this, he didn’t want be sick anymore, he couldn’t believe that he had felt so amazing yesterday and now he felt this bad. It was over Sam didn’t want to do this anymore, he was done, he was quitting. 

Sam didn’t touch the stuff for the next two weeks, and he didn’t ever want to feel that sick again. Except for smoking a few cigarettes when he was hanging out at lunch, he stayed out of trouble. He spent some days after school with Quinn, but he spent most of his time sitting at home, waiting for Dean to get home from work. Their Dad, who had said he would be back in a week, finally showed up two and a half weeks later, Dean was out with some girl from town, and Sam was sitting on the couch with his Algebra homework pulled up in his lap when Sam heard someone on the front porch, he picked up the gun he had under the pillow behind him, and took off the safety and pointed it at the door, as John walked in. Sam put the safety back on and put the gun back behind him. 

“You know Dad, if you called when you were heading home, you wouldn’t always walk in the house and end up with a gun in your face.” Sam said. 

“Gotta keep you on your toes somehow.” John replied. “Where’s your brother?” 

“Movies I think. Had a date with some girl named Jess, or Jen, or Jane? I dunno he should be back soon.” John snorted, Dean probably didn’t know the girls name either; he was going to have to start calling his son Casanova. John grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down in the chair beside Sam. Sam tensed when his father sat down, and John couldn’t help but wonder when he had stopped being a comfort to his youngest and started being the reason for the anger in his life. 

“How’s your face?” John asked, and then mentally kicked himself, cause that didn’t sound unattached at all. 

“All healed up.” 

“Look Sammy….” 

“Dad, lets not do this, it’s fine.”

“Okay, fine, but that doesn’t change what I said. We can’t keep doing this Sam. I need you to get your GED.” Sam sighed, he had actually thought for a second his Dad was sorry, but he wasn’t he was just trying to find a way to get what he wanted out of Sam. 

“I’m not dropping out Dad.” 

“Sam stop arguing, can’t you just do what I say this once.” Sam slammed his books closed and stood up to face his father; neither noticed that Dean had just walked in the front door. 

“Dad I have always done everything you have ever asked.” 

“Are you kidding me Sam, you have never once done anything I ask!”

“I argue with you when I think you are wrong, and I stand up for myself, but you have always gotten your way, everything you have ever asked, I have done, but I am not doing this! I am not backing down this time, I am not going to let you ruin my life.” 

“At least you have a life Sam, your mother is dead and I am just trying to find the thing that killed her, you would think you would feel the same way.” Sam sighed, and shook his head.

“I am sorry that she gone Dad, I really am, but none of this is going to bring her back. She is gone, and I am not going to spend my life looking for something we may never find so we can avenge her death. I am done with it, I am going to go to school, and you can hate me all you want for it.” Sam looked up and saw Dean standing in the doorway watching them, Sam had nothing to say to his brother, he had stood there and watched, and didn’t come to Sam’s aid, he grabbed his backpack off the floor and stuffed his books into it, before walking over to the door, Dean grabbed him by the shoulder. 

“Where are you going?” Dean asked.

“Out.” Sam shrugged Dean off of him.  
“I didn’t say you could go anywhere Sam.” John said from the living room.

“Does it look like I give a shit?” Sam said, and he walked out the door and down the street. He was so sick of his Dad; nothing he did was ever good enough for him but he didn’t care about hunting, he just wanted to be a regular teenager, why was that too much to ask. He threw his backpack on the ground and pulled out a cigarette. He let the sweet smoke fill his lungs and his mind fogged over a little bit, stopping him from thinking so much. 

“Sam?” Sam jumped and pulled a knife from his backpack, standing up off the bench. “Whoa! Dude chill out, it’s me Patrick!” 

“Oh sorry, you caught me off guard.”

“Apparently, do you always carry a knife with you?” Sam looked at the blade in his hand and quickly put it back in his backpack.

“Sorry…I’ve lived in a lot of shitty neighborhood, and me and my brother used to get jumped a lot, and my brother made me start carrying it.” It was a stupid story but it was all he could come up with in the few seconds he had to come up with a story.

“Okay then, what are you doing in the park in the middle of the night?” Patrick asked. 

“Didn’t want to go home, having a fight with the old man.” 

“About what?”

“Well… he wants me and my brother to take over the family business, and even though my brother is falling into line and doing what he wants, I don’t want to, I want to have my own life.” 

“Why don’t you tell him to fuck off?” Sam laughed. 

“I did, that’s how I ended up with a busted lip.” Patrick just nodded.

“Well, you wanna come to my place? You can stay the night if you still want to avoid going home.” 

“Well I can’t stay the night, but if it means putting off going home for awhile, I’m in.” Sam and Patrick walked back to Patrick’s house, and he grabbed them a couple of beers from the bar and brought them over. “Your parents aren’t home?” 

“Nah, they rarely are, they are always working late, or on business trips, so it is usually just me here.”

“Yeah I get that, my Dad is almost never home, Dean practically raised me.”

“What about your Mom?”

“She died in a fire when I was a baby, it has always just been the three of us.” 

“I’m sorry about your mom, but at least you have your brother.” Sam sighed. 

“I used to, lately it seems like he is siding with my Dad about everything. I just wish he would be   
my brother again, instead of a clone of my father.” 

“Look Sam, I have an older brother, he is seven years old then me, so it is a little bit different then you and Dean but in a lot of ways it is the same. When he still lives here we fought all the time, and sometimes we hated each other, I hated that I always felt that I was living in his shadow, and now, he is in college, and I only see him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I barely know him… but there is one thing I still know about him.” Sam looked at his friend curiously.

“Yeah, and what’s that?”

“When it comes down to it, even after all the fighting, and hate, he will always have my back when   
it truly counts, and I guarantee Dean is the exact same way. It’s a big brother thing.” Sam smiled at Patrick, and drank some more of his beer. He hoped Dean would have his back, but his faith was wavering, Dean had always had his back before, but he had never flat out defied his father either.

“Yeah you’re right, I’m sure he has my back.” Sam finished his beer and put it down on the table.

“Another beer? Don’t know about you, but I am aiming for drunk tonight.” Patrick laughed, so Sam laughed right along with him.

“You know what? That sounds like a good plan to me.” And they did, they drank and drank, and eventually Sam was in a stupidly drunken state, and he felt happy. Until he looked up at the clock and saw it was almost one o’clock in the morning. 

“Shit… I’ve gotta get home.” Sam said rolling off the couch. 

“You gonna be okay to walk home?” Patrick asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” 

“Alright, see you later Sam.” Sam grabbed his backpack and headed back to his house, he wasn’t stumbling too badly, and as he walked down the street towards his house he saw that the kitchen light was on and he groaned. He was about to get a strip torn out of him. Sam opened the door, and saw Dean sitting at the kitchen table glaring at him. Sam was not in the mood for this, and he attempted to walk by, but Dean caught him by the arm, and Sam was in no condition to fight back. 

“Where have you been?”

“Get off of me Dean!” 

“No Sam, where the hell were you?”

“Well let’s see I went to the park, I smoked half a pack of cigarettes, and then I ran into Patrick so I went to his house and we got wasted. Any other questions, or can I go to sleep now?”

“So you smoke now, and get wasted on a school night? And you storm out of the house and stay out until two o’clock in the morning? What is the matter with you?” 

“Nothing is the matter with me, I am just so sick of all of this bullshit. Fine, you guys want me to drop out of school, you got it, and I don’t give a fuck anymore! Once this year is done, I’ll drop out and hunt, fine congratulations you got me right where you want me.” Dean stepped back from Sam like he had been shocked. 

“This isn’t you Sammy, you are better then this.” 

“Apparently I’m not, I will be Dad’s little soldier, isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that why you didn’t   
stand up for me?” Dean looked at his little brother, who all the sudden looked broken and beaten down. 

“Sammy…”

“Stop Dean, just stop. I’m done fighting.” Tears were beginning to run down Sam’s face, and Dean   
just wanted to pull him into a hug, but he didn’t he felt frozen in place. Sam turned away from Dean, and walked down the hallway into their room and quietly closed the door. Dean didn’t move, he just stayed standing by the front door, attempting to breathe until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Dean…” Dean turned around to face his father. “He’ll be fine.” 

“No he won’t, we are breaking him Dad…” 

“No we aren’t, he will get over it. He is just going to have to understand that hunting comes first.” John left Dean in the living room and went back to his bedroom. Dean sat down at the table, and put his head in his hands. Dean wasn’t stupid, he knew Sam wanted more then this life, but he didn’t want him to go anywhere. He also knew he should have stood up to his Dad when he told Sam to drop out, Sam wasn’t wrong, Sam may be argumentative but he always did what he was told, and to be honest, Sam didn’t ask for much, but Dean had always had it drilled into him not to argue with his Dad, and he always fell into line. Dean sighed and stood up to go to his room. He pushed the door open and walked over to Sam’s side of the room, Sam was asleep, still in his jeans and shoes. Dean took the shoes off of Sam’s feet and covered him with the blanket. 

“I’m sorry Sammy.” Dean said, and then he got changed and crawled into his own bed. Sam opened his eyes and let the tears fall down his face but said nothing. He just closed his eyes and forced himself into a drunken sleep. 

When Dean woke up, Sam wasn’t in his bed so he walked out to the kitchen, where there was a note on the table from his Dad. 

Gone to Bobby’s to look at some research. 

I’ll be back in 3 days. 

Dean scoffed, back for a full 24 hours before taking off again and he managed to get into another   
fight with Sam that had to be some kind of record. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of retching and walked to the bathroom, pushing the door open. 

“After all the puking you have done this month, I didn’t think it was possible for you to throw up anything else.” Dean said. Sam glared at him but said nothing. “Well, congrats on the hangover, you idiot.” Dean left his brother on the floor, not in the mood to help the kid when he had brought this on himself. He sat at the table drinking coffee until Sam came out of the bathroom, he walked past Dean and headed for the door. “Dude, its six o’clock in the morning, where are you going?” 

“Jogging.”

“Why?”

“Keep up my conditioning.” 

“Ummm… okay, wait up I’ll come with you.” He thought Sam was going to say no, but instead he shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay, but hurry up.” Dean changed and him and Sam went out. Sam was in good shape and running long distance had never been a problem for him. He was fine after the first two miles, but by the time they had turned around Sam was huffing and puffing, and by the time they got home he was coughing and out of breath. 

“It’s from the smoking.” Dean said.

“What are you talking about?” 

“You can’t breathe, and I can hear it rattling around in your lungs.” 

“Whatever Dean. I gotta shower.”

“I mean it Sammy, you have to quit.” Sam didn’t respond, he took his backpack and went into the bathroom. He quickly showered and then sat on the side of the tub trying to get some breath back into his lungs, Dean was right it was from smoking, but he wasn’t going to stop doing the one thing that made him feel a little bit better. Sam sighed, and dried off before brushing his teeth. He missed feeling happy, but he didn’t know how to anymore… or did he? Sam looked at his backpack that was sitting on the floor of the bathroom and unzipped the front pocket pulling out the baggy of fine white powder. He ran it through his fingers and looked at his reflection remembering how amazing he felt last time he had this coursing through his system, and suddenly Sam lost all rational thought. He poured a little of the powder onto the counter and then rolled up half a piece of paper. He swallowed and took a deep breath and then snorted the powder up his nose. It burned and his nose started to run, but after a few minutes, he felt his heart speed up and his brain started to get jumbled. He smiled and put the powder back into his backpack. Then ran into his room to get dressed. On his way out he picked up his backpack from the bathroom and ran into Dean who was standing in the kitchen. 

“Jesus Sammy, slow down will you.” 

“Sorry, I’ll see you later.”

“Do you want a ride to school?” 

“Nope, I’m gonna walk.” 

“Uhhh… Sam?” 

“What’s up?”

“You may want to turn your shirt around before you go, it’s on backwards genius.” Sam looked down at his shirt and laughed. He turned it around and headed out the door. 

“See you later Dean!” Sam slammed the door behind him and Dean stand there surprised. Sam was suddenly in an overly good mood, and it was weird. But whatever, he would take a happy Sam, over a moody one any day. He grabbed his keys and headed to the shop. 

Sam felt great, in fact he felt so great he ran all the way to school and got there earlier then anyone else. He went around pack to the picnic table, and smoked a couple of cigarettes while he waited for everyone else. Eventually Quinn showed up and Sam pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her passionately.

“Well someone’s in a good mood.” Quinn said. 

“Are you complaining about that?” Sam asked. 

“Absolutely not.” She replied and kissed him back. “Patrick told me you had a rough night last night, are you okay?” Sam thought through the haze in his brain about the night before, about the fight, about Dean apologizing when he thought he was asleep, and he didn’t care about any of it. He really didn’t care about anything at the moment. 

“Yeah Quinn, I am great.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

By the time lunch rolled around, Sam snuck off to the bathroom for another quick hit before going out back to meet up with his friends. Sam loved the high, but he hated what he felt like after it went away, so he decided he would keep himself topped up, so he would never get sick again. By the time he made it outside everyone else was already at the table. 

“Hey Sam.” Patrick said. 

“Hey Patrick, what’s up?” 

“Nothing really, we were all just talking about getting together this weekend, you in?” 

“Yeah definitely.” 

“Alright sweet.” Sam walked over to Quinn and gave her a kiss, and went she went to pull away he held her close and kissed her some more.

“I swear to God, you guys make out more then anyone else I know.” Ren said. Quinn punched her in the shoulder, and Sam laughed.

“Anyone got a light? I forgot my lighter.” Sam said. 

“Yeah here.” Bryan threw his lighter across the table; Sam caught it and lit his cigarette. 

“So, what do you guys want to do this weekend?” Blair said. 

“As long as we got some drinks, who cares.” Bryan replied.

“I second that.” Quinn said.

“Alright, so drinks at my place and then we will see what happens?” Patrick asked. Everyone agreed that they would meet at Patrick’s place at seven on Saturday and then they would make plans from there. When the bell rang Quinn said goodbye and went back to her place, and the rest of them made their way towards the school. 

“Hey Sam?” Ren called, Sam turned around and faced her.

“What’s up?” Ren smirked at Sam, and eyed him curiously. He was bouncing unable to stay still.

“You’re high.” She stated. Sam smirked.

“Yeah, I am, it feels amazing.” 

“Told you it would, you getting low yet?” 

“No not yet, still got plenty.” 

“Okay, well let me know when you want more, I’ll give it to you ten bucks a bag, cheapest you will find.” 

“Alright thanks Ren.” 

“Anytime Sam, that’s what friends are for.” Sam went to his last two classes, realized he had forgotten about assignments he was supposed to hand in, he told his teachers he would bring them on Monday, he knew he wouldn’t, he couldn’t focus on that right now. He met Quinn out back after school, not in any rush to return to his house when Dean wouldn’t be home for two more hours anyways. Sam was having a cigarette, Quinn said she didn’t want one, which Sam thought, was strange but he didn’t push it. 

“Sam can I ask you something?” Quinn asked.

“Sure babe, what’s up?” 

“How come you have never taken me back to your place?” Sam was shocked, in the past when he had had girlfriends, they had never asked him to take them back to his house. 

“There is nothing there for you to see.” Quinn stared at Sam and sighed.

“Are you ashamed of me?” 

“No Quinn that isn’t it at all!”

“Then what is it?” Sam sighed and lit another cigarette.

“I’m ashamed of us Quinn.” Sam had never admitted that to anyone before, and it kind of terrified him. It was as if because he said those words it all of the sudden made him realize it too. He thought of the run down house, filled with guns, knives, salt and kerosene. He thought of his father, who he had never seen show love to anyone, and he thought of who they were and the terrible things they had done. 

“Sam?” Sam turned around and saw Dean standing behind them, watching Sam smoke a cigarette and admit that he was ashamed of his family. “Let’s go.” Sam put the cigarette out and gave Quinn a quick hug; he really didn’t want to kiss her with his brother standing ten feet away. 

“I’ll see you on Saturday Sam.” Quinn quickly walked away from the brothers and Sam turned towards Dean. 

“Dean, listen I…” Dean turned away and headed back towards the Impala before Sam could finish his sentence, and Sam knew that this wasn’t angry Dean, this was hurt Dean, and Sam didn’t like being the one who hurt him. Sam sighed and walked towards the car, where his brother was already sitting with Led Zeppelin playing loudly through the speakers. Sam sighed and slid in next to him keeping his eyes down on the ground. It was a quiet and tense ride back to the house, and Sam was beginning to sweat, he hadn’t taken a hit in hours and he was starting to get antsy. When they pulled into the driveway Sam got out of the car and walked in behind Dean. 

“Do your homework Sam.” 

“I don’t have any, Dean please can we talk about this?” Dean slammed his hand against the counter, which made Sam flinch.

“Fine, lets talk about it. What the hell are you so ashamed about Sam? After everything we have been through, what the hell have I given you to be ashamed of? After everything we have done to protect you, how are you ashamed of this family?” 

“Dean, it came out wrong.”

“No it didn’t you meant it Sam.” Sam sighed. 

“I’m ashamed of what we do Dean, I am not ashamed of us… that is not what I meant.”

“We save people, we do the dirty work that keeps everyone safe.”

“Dean, I can’t tell people that. She wanted to know why I never bring her back here; I couldn’t tell her that there are weapons spread all over the house because we save people from monsters. I am sorry, I will always have issues with our life, but I swear I have never been ashamed of you.” Dean seemed to deflate at that and his eyes softened. 

“You’re right Sam… you can’t tell her the truth. I’m shouldn’t of freaked out.” 

“It’s okay Dean, I’m sorry for the way I said it.” Dean walked over to Sam and for a second, Sam   
thought he was going to hug him, but instead he slapped him really hard across the side of the head. “OW! What was that for?”

“If I ever see you smoke another cigarette again I am going to beat every last drop of nicotine out of your system.” Sam snorted.

“Yeah, fine.” 

“Seriously Sammy, quit before Dad catches you.”

“You smoked in high school…”

“Yeah and I have distinct memories of Dad’s intense training regime when he found out.”

“Fine, here.” Sam through the pack of cigarettes at Dean, and Dean threw them in the trash.

“Good boy Sammy.” Sam walked towards the bathroom and locked the door behind him; he had to get rid of the shakes. He snorted one line to take the edge off, and then sat back relishing in the feeling. After awhile he stood up so he could throw his backpack into his bedroom, and then he went to the kitchen to find something to eat. 

“Hey Dean? Are you working tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, it’s Friday why?

“Just wondering, I don’t have school tomorrow.”

“You don’t? Why?” 

“I dunno, some kind of weird aptitude test the freshmen in this state have to take, so the rest of the school gets the day off.” 

“Thank God neither of us were freshmen here… you got any plans?”

“Not tomorrow, but I am hanging out with Quinn and everyone at Patrick’s place on Saturday. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah that’s fine, just stay out of trouble, okay?” 

“Always do.” 

“And use protection.” Sam spun around and saw a wide smile spreading across Dean’s face.

“Oh my God, shut up Dean.” Dean laughed wildly as a blush spread across his younger brothers face. 

“Oh c’mon Sammy, how can you still be a prude when you got into a hot blondes pants?”

“I’m not a prude Dean, I just don’t want to talk about my sex life with my older brother, who has   
managed to screw himself across thirty nine out of fifty states.” 

“Forty states actually. Finally got Michigan accounted for.” Sam rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile at his brother’s antics.

“You are nauseating.”

“You love it.” Just like all fights Sam and Dean got into, this one was over by some well placed jokes, that was the joy of being Dean’s little brother, no matter how bad Sam screwed up, he was always forgiven, the same could not be said about their father. That was one trait Sam knew he shared with his father, he knew they both held grudges. The rest of the night consisted of brotherly bantering, watching movies, and Sam sneaking out of the room to the bathroom to snort a little cocaine when he felt his mood shifting. Sam couldn’t sleep that night so he spent Thursday night and most of Friday cleaning the house for something to do and by the time 6 o’clock rolled around on Friday, Sam was passed out on the couch. Saturday Sam and Quinn had some drinks in Patrick’s basement, and ended up having sex in the spare bedroom, but other then that it was a relatively boring weekend. By the time Sunday rolled around Sam was tired and irritable from lack of sleep and lack of nicotine. Sam was sitting on the couch tapping his finger on the couch, while Dean was trying to watch TV and it was starting to drive the older boy insane.

“Sam, would you stop it already!” Sam stopped but did not look happy about it. “What the hell is your problem today?” 

“I want a fucking cigarette…” Sam ground out.

“Well that’s why you shouldn’t have started that shit Sammy, it’s addicting.” Dean had no idea about addiction, Sam was well aware of the things he was addicted to. 

“Yeah well, I did, and now I want a fucking cigarette…”

“You’ll get over it.” Sam huffed, but said nothing else; of course John would consider this a good   
time to come home.

“Hello boys.” 

“Hey Dad.” Dean said. Sam stayed sitting there silently, after four days he still had nothing to say   
to his father. 

“Grab your gear, we got a salt and burn to do about twenty minutes from here, and I need your help, you too Sam, no arguments.” Sam eyed his father coldly then stood up and walked passed him. 

“I wasn’t gonna argue with you.” He said and then went into his room, Dean following closely behind. Sam took off his shirt and dug through the dresser trying to find something he could wear hunting and it wouldn’t matter if it got ruined or not. Dean eyes his brother carefully; Sam had gotten skinnier over the last few weeks, and Dean could see his ribs protruding slightly. Dean thought back over the last few weeks, Sam hadn’t been eating lately, and he definitely hadn’t been sleeping, and now looking at the change in Sam’s body Dean was worried. 

“Sammy, you feeling okay?” Dean asked. Sam looked at him strangely. Even his eyes looked more sunken then usual. 

“Yeah I feel fine, why?” 

“No reason.” Now wasn’t the time to get into it. 

“Okay…” Sam shoved his gun into his waistband, and put one of the shotguns, and some extra shotgun shells filled with salt into the weapons bag. “I’m gonna hit the head before we go.” 

“Alright, be at the car in five minutes.” Sam went into the bathroom with his stash, and snorted two thick lines. He felt himself perk up instantly. He quickly ran back to the bedroom to put the rest of the coke back in his bag before heading out to the car. He didn’t mind going on this hunt, it was something to do, something do keep him busy. It was a fifteen minute ride outside of town until they came to the graveyard. It was an old Catholic Church graveyard complete with crosses, angel statues and rod iron fences. Dean pulled the Impala over to the side of the road behind his father’s truck and the brothers stopped at the tailgate of the truck.

“Alright boys we are looking for a grave marked Arthur McDowell, watch your backs, holler when you find something.” The Winchesters made their way through the rows of graves until Sam and John heard a low whistle and made their way towards Dean.

“Found it.” Dean said.

“Alright, you two get in there and start digging, I’ll watch for the ghost.” Sam and Dean began to dig, but they didn’t get far before they saw flashing lights. 

“Shit Dad cops!” John turned the other direction and saw men running towards them. 

“Boys, get out of there.” Sam and Dean jumped out of the hole, but knew they wouldn’t all make it   
out of there. 

“Dad, take the weapons and go!” Dean said.

“I can’t leave you guys here!”

“Yes you can, if they catch me and Sam we will get charged with grave desecration, and get bail. If they catch you and a bag of weapons we are all going to jail and we got a Child Protective Services case. Bail us out later. Go!” Unfortunately John knew Dean was right, and he fled the graveyard leaving his fifteen and nineteen year old sons alone. 

“Freeze! Hands up!” Sam and Dean did as they were told, and they were cuffed and led back to the police car. The cop holding Sam threw him roughly against the car and Sam yelped. 

“Hey! That isn’t necessary!” Dean began to fight the other cops hold, trying to get to his brother.

“Dean stop.” Sam said. “I’m fine don’t fight him.” 

“I suggest you listen to him boy.” The police officer said. Dean huffed but stopped fighting his hold, but continued to glare at the man who was current patting his brother down. 

“They’re both clean, just get them in the car.” Sam and Dean were both read their rights and put in the back of the police cruiser and driven to the police station. Luckily because of the size of the town, there were not many holding cells, and Sam and Dean were both put into the same cell.

“Hey boys? Don’t I get a phone call?” Dean said. 

“Yeah, in the morning, delinquents like you need to spend some time in a cell.” 

“Dicks…” Dean said, sitting down next to Sam on the cot. Sam had his hand wrapped around his ribs. “You okay Sammy.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, probably gonna bruise but whatever, didn’t exactly expect any love from the cops.” Dean snorted, because of the way they were raised Sam had zero trust for cops. Sam could feel the start of a headache coming on, and he realized it had been at least four hours since his last hit, he usually didn’t wait that long because he hated feeling sick. By the time four in the morning hit, his hands started to shake and he started to sweat and he groaned when he started feeling pains in his body. Sam must have fallen asleep at some point because he felt a hand on his forehead, and he jumped realizing he slumped over into Dean’s lap. 

“Jesus Sam your on fire…” Sam pushed himself up off Dean’s lap, and Dean pulled him back as he began to tilt the other way, as he got dizzy. 

“Deaannnn.” Sam whined. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” A cop stopped outside the cell. “Hey dude, my brother is sick I need some help.” The police officer eyed them suspiciously but nodded his head and came back with a medic. The medic looked Sam over, then took his pulse and frowned. He looked up at Dean.

“What’s he on?” The medic asked.

“What are you talking about?” Dean said worriedly. He pulled Sam’s head into his lap and stroked his hair in comfort.

“Is he your brother?” 

“Yeah. My younger brother, his name is Sam.” 

“Okay where are your parents?”

“My Dad lives in town, I have been waiting to call him all night.” Dean threw a scowl at the cop standing outside the cell.

“Okay, listen to me, I need you to call your Dad and get him to search through all of Sam’s things.” Dean frowned.

“Why?” The medic looked up at the older boy, obviously a very protective older brother. 

“Because I don’t know what he took, but he withdrawing from something, and we need to find out   
what kind of drug he took.” Dean looked down at Sam in shock but then everything clicked into place. The mood swings, the weight loss, the smoking, the rebellion, suddenly everything made sense. 

“Oh Sammy, what have you done to yourself?”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

John didn’t know what to expect when he pulled into the parking lot of the police station. The call he had gotten from Dean had put him into a panic, Sam was sick, and not just sick, he was going through withdrawal, and nobody knew from what. John had searched the house, but he didn’t find anything suspicious, where could Sam possibly be hiding it? John walked into the small police station and up to the front desk.

“I’m here to pick up my sons.” The man behind the counter gave John a quick once over, and from the look on his face he didn’t approve of John’s leather jacket and torn jeans. 

“Are you John Winchester?” 

“Yes.”

“Yeah, your kids are in the holding cell in the back, because of the state of your youngest the sheriff decided not to press charges.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Don’t thank me, your kids are in for a lifetime of trouble, and that young one is obviously out of control, if it was my choice I would be sending them both to jail and sticking every charge I possibly could on them.” John bit his tongue, he wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible and picking a fight with a sheriff’s deputy was not the way to do that, but everything in him told him to punch the bastard’s lights out. 

“Can you just take me to my sons?” 

“Fine, follow me.” John followed behind him into the back of the station and looked through the bars at his two children. Dean was sitting on the edge of the cot, and Sam’s head was in Dean’s lap. Dean was stroking his sweaty matted hair while Sam was shaking and twitching. Dean looked up at his Dad with the scared eyes of the four year old boy he used to be, and tightened his grip on his little brother. The deputy opened the door to the cell and John squatted down in front of his sons, watching Sam’s teeth chatter. 

“Dean, are you okay?” John asked. Dean kind of sniffled, and didn’t meet John’s eyes. He was crying, something that Dean never did anymore, not as a tough nineteen year old hunter who had been hardened by the darkness of the world around him, but John didn’t say anything about it, he wanted to bust out crying himself at the moment. 

“I’m fine Dad, I just don’t know how this happened.” 

“Neither do I, Dean. Let’s get out of here.” John leaned down and picked Sam up in his arms. At Sam’s height, it should not have been as easy as it was to lift him, and walk him out of the police station. John placed Sam into the back seat and walked around to the driver’s side. John watched in the rearview mirror as Dean crawled into the backseat with his brother, and out of instinct Sam curled into his brother’s chest just like he used to when he was little and sick. John suddenly longed for those moments, moments that if he was he was honest with himself, he realized he had missed so many of them. He gave the role of father over to Dean so easily, and he could see in Dean’s eyes that this was hurting him because he had always thought of Sam as his own. John drove the Impala back to the house and before he even had a chance to get out of the car, Dean had scooped Sam up into his arms and was heading up the stairs and towards the door; John followed and held the door open so Dean could walk through and drop Sam gently on the couch. Dean put a hand on Sam’s forehead and frowned.

“He still has a pretty bad fever.” 

“Cover him with some blankets.” Dean nodded and went to the bedroom to grab some blankets off Sam’s bed, the room was trashed, John had obviously been searching through Sam’s stuff, Dean walked back out into the living room and covered his brother with them and turned to his father. “Did you find it? What he was taking?” John sighed and shook his head.

“No, I checked everything, the dresser, his duffel, his clothes, I couldn’t find anything.” Dean frowned and thought back about the last month and a thought dawned on him.

“Did you check his backpack?” Sam had been taking his backpack to the bathroom lately, that struck Dean as weird but he had said nothing, because Sam was weird, so he figured it was a strange Sammy quirk.

“Jesus, why didn’t I think of that?” John came back with Sam’s backpack and dumped it on the table, between textbooks, and gym clothes, a small baggy fell out, and Dean reached down and grabbed it, looking at the white powder inside. 

“Cocaine?” Dean asked, except for the few months they spent in Wichita during Dean’s freshman year where he smoked some pot, Dean had very little knowledge of drugs, why would he? They weren’t   
part of the hunting life. 

“Yeah I think so…” John turned and rubbed his hand over his stubbly face. “Jesus Christ Sam?” 

“Dad? What do we do here?” John knew withdrawal could be dangerous, but he couldn’t exactly   
take Sam to a hospital either, their life on the road meant fake ID’s and fake insurance for quick in and out hospital trips. No, they would have to find a way to handle this on their own.

“We will get him better Dean. I guess he is just gonna have to be on lockdown for a while until he gets this out of his system.” Dean punched the wall behind him and turned to look back at his Dad.

“I’m so sorry Dad… I don’t know how I missed this. This is my fault.” 

“This isn’t your fault Dean, neither of us saw this coming, not from Sammy. I don’t know how this happened Dean, but the fault does not land on you. We will fix this.” John packed up the backpack and put it back in Sam’s room, and Dean slipped the white powder into his back pocket. Dean heard a moan from living room, and walked back towards Sam. Who had opened his eyes but he was squinting against the harsh light that was filling the room. Dean knelt down beside his brother, and peeled back the covers; Sam’s fever was starting to break, but he was nauseous and shaky, and his heart was racing. 

“How are you feeling Sammy?” Sam squinted up at his brother and groaned.

“Feel sick…” Sam sat up and rubbed his eyes, and winced as the pain behind his eyes worsened   
with the motion. “I need to… I’m gonna go to my room.” Sam went to stand and Dean pushed him back down, he knew what Sam was looking for. 

“Why do you need to go to your room?” Dean asked. 

“Ummm… I need to change my shirt.” Dean sighed, and reached into his back pocket.   
“Are you sure you aren’t looking for this?” Sam looked at the bag in Dean’s hand and something in him snapped, he reached for the bag and when Dean pulled it away and Sam began to hit him hard in the chest. 

“That’s mine, give it back!” Dean wrapped his arms around his brother, restraining him from behind so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Sam bucked against his brother with as much strength as he could muster, which wasn’t much in his current state. John, who had been watching from the kitchen walked in and looked at his two sons fighting, they were both so broken in their own way.

“Sam, we are going to help you, and then we are going to put this all behind us.” John said. Sam looked up at his father with cold angry eyes. John has gotten nicer looks from werewolves who were out for blood.

“Fuck you, I don’t want your help, let me go! Leave me alone!” Sam was still trying to push away from Dean, but because of the shaking of his body and how weak he was, he couldn’t do it, but Dean did loosen his grip a little bit, he wanted to help Sam not hurt him. 

“Sammy, please this is going to kill you.” Dean begged. Sam laughed in a way that made the hair on the back of Dean’s neck stand up.

“Hunting is going to kill me too you fucking idiots, and it makes me miserable. At least let me be happy, let me die own way.” Sam felt a wave of depression hit him, which always happened after he came down from the high.

“Sam you aren’t gonna die, now stop being so selfish!” John yelled. Dean stared at his father, and Sam used the distraction to break loose from Dean’s hold, and he stumbled towards his father.

“I’m the selfish one? You drag your kids from state to state because you can’t let the past go. Newsflash: mom is dead and you can’t bring her back. Dean may be stupid enough to stay, but there will come a day where I will leave and you will never see me again!” Sam stumbled down the hall and into the bathroom, and before Dean could reach him he slammed the door and locked it, leaning against it so John and Dean could not get in. Sam felt terrible, and he looked across the room into the mirror and saw himself. He was pale and sickly, and he knew he had lost weight. He looked down at his hands, which were shaking, and he made a fist. He was so angry, at everything and everyone, but he was maddest at himself. He hated his reflection and he walked forward and punched the mirror, the glass shattered, distorting his image and biting into his skin. He hit it again and then sunk to the floor, letting the blood drip from his hand onto the cold tile floor. How did this happen? How did he let it get this bad? He was crying, ignoring the pounding on the door, but he moved away from it, curling into a small ball on the floor. 

Dean heard the glass shatter, and immediately turned to his Dad in shock, what was Sam doing in   
there? 

“Sammy! Open the door!” Dean continued to pound on the door, he got no response accept for the sound of muffled sobs, and more breaking glass, Sam’s shadow disappeared from under the door, and now that John knew Sam wasn’t in front of it, he had officially had enough.

“That’s it.” John said, and he booted the door, cracking it, and breaking the lock, but at least it was open. Dean walked in and saw the blood pooling on the floor, and Sam’s hand, which was cut up and punctured with pieces of broken glass. 

“Dad, get the first aid kit.” Dean said automatically, and he grabbed a towel off the hook on the wall and wrapped it around Sam’s hand gently. He had to sop up some of the blood, but he didn’t want to push the glass further in either. John came back with the first aid kit, and past it to Dean. 

“You good?” John said. As much as he wanted to help his son, Dean was better at dealing with Sam. John had lost the skills a long time ago that were required to be a good father, and in a lot of ways he had also lost the right.

“Yeah we’re good.” Dean said, he was to focused on help Sam, his Sam. John nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Sam was still sobbing profusely, and it hurt Dean’s soul to see his brother so broken. “This is gonna hurt a little bit Sammy.” Dean began to pull glass out of Sam’s hand and Sam didn’t make a sound, but after a few minutes, his other hand came up and grabbed onto the hem of Dean’s shirt, and he didn’t let go. Dean cleaned out the cuts and scrapes, and stitched up the worst ones. He wrapped Sam’s hand in gauze, and when Dean looked up Sam was staring at him through watery eyes and was breathing fast. 

“Dean…” That was all Sam said, and it broke Dean’s heart. 

“Come on Sammy, let’s go to bed.” Sam sniffed. Dean helped his brother stand and they walked back to the bedroom, while John cleaned up the mess of blood and glass in the bathroom. Dean lowered Sam down onto the bed, and when Sam still wouldn’t let go of his shirt Dean climbed into the bed next to him. For awhile the brother’s just watched each other, neither knowing what to say, neither believing that they were in this situation to begin with. Every once in awhile Sam would groan in pain as his body spasmed, or his head pounded, his system needing more of the drug and making sure to let him know he wouldn’t be getting out of this easily. 

“I’m sorry Dean.” Dean tensed; he was angry, sad, disappointed, and pained. 

“I don’t want you to be sorry Sam, I want you to be better so I can kick your ass for this shit… I mean how the hell did this happen?” 

“I… the first time it was accident.”

“How the hell do you accidentally snort cocaine?”

“I didn’t, I smoked some pot that was laced with it, and then I just… fell into a bad place, it seemed like a good idea at the time…. God Dean, I need help, all I can think about is my next fix, I got hooked instantly and then I couldn’t stop.” Dean let a few tears fall from his eyes, because Sam was asking for help, and Dean for the first time didn’t know how to help him. 

“We are going to get you better Sammy, but we can’t do this without you. You need to fight this Sam, I hate this, because I can’t beat up or kill the thing that is hurting you, cause it’s you hurting you. So please tell me you are gonna fight this.” Sam had a million things running through his brain, the one part of him just wanted to feel good again, and another part just wanted to be free of this. 

“I want to get better Dean. I will fight, but don’t make me do this alone.” 

“Never Sammy, you will never be alone.” Sam wiped his eyes and blinked up at Dean, looking so much like the innocent five year old that Dean remembered. “Sam? Who gave it to you?” Sam’s bottom lip trembled. 

“Just some guy I met at a pizza place near school I don’t even know his name.” Dean’s eyes narrowed, he knew Sam was lying, but he didn’t push it. “I’m tired De…” Dean put his arm around his little brother and pulled him in close, not caring that Sam was covered with two days worth of withdrawal induced sweat. Sam held on tight to his brother, and refused to let go. 

“Go to sleep Sammy, I’ll watch over you.” As Sam drifted off, the shaking and sweating stayed with him in his sleep, and Dean watched his little brother’s struggle, but he held him close and it seemed to ease Sam even in his slumber. And later when John walked in to check on his sons, Dean was asleep wrapped around his little brother, still after all that had happened, attempting to protect him from the big bad world. John sighed, it was going to be a tough few months, but they would make it somehow, all he had to do was protect his youngest. 

Over the next few days, Sam struggled, he spent his days shaking, throwing up, and attempting to convince himself he didn’t need a fix, but he was fighting with his body and mind, they were both telling him he needed it, when logically Sam knew he didn’t want it, didn’t want to be like this anymore. He was doing okay, and either his Dad or Dean were always with, not trusting to leave him alone, because they were afraid he would find a way to get his hands on some cocaine if he was out of their sight for a second, and if Sam was honest with himself, that was probably exactly what he would do. Without his family watching him, he would probably lose this battle of wills. He still wanted it, every second of the day he just wanted to snort some, feel happy again, but he fought it, because he had to. He was feeling as good as could be expected, at least until Thursday came, and he lost his will to fight. John had gone to get some gas, and pick up dinner, while Sam and Dean stayed in the apartment watching TV and lounging around. There was a knock on the door, and Dean looked out the peephole surprised at who was on the other side of the door. He looked around the room for weapons, which were usually all over the room. Luckily they had all been put away the night before, so Dean opened the door, and Sam watched her walk through the door.

“Quinn?” She looked at Sam, and smiled. 

“Hey Sam, where have you been we have all been so worried!” Sam stood up and walked over to her and gave her a hug. She frowned and grabbed his injured hand. “What happened?” Sam smiled sadly.

“I lost a fight.” Sam looked around and saw that Dean had left the room, but he also knew his brother was probably hiding in the hallway, so he could listen in. “And then I got sick.” 

“Are you feeling better?” 

“Yeah kinda, but I’m not better yet.” 

“Sorry to hear that. Well if you are feeling better, do you want to hang out this weekend?” Sam looked at Quinn, the first girl that had been really important to him. 

“I can’t Quinn.” 

“Oh? Family thing planned this weekend?” 

“No, that isn’t what I mean, Quinn… I can’t see you anymore.” 

“What? You’re breaking up with me?” 

“I’m sorry Quinn, I can’t do this.” Quinn pulled away from Sam and looked at him with tears in her eyes. 

“Sam, I love you… I know I haven’t told you that, but I do… and I thought you loved me back. Don’t you? Don’t you love me back?” Sam looked at the girl in front of him, she was beautiful, and he really did love her, he had never felt this way about anyone else in his life, but he harnessed his inner hunter, the part of him void of heart or emotion and told a lie.

“I don’t love you.” Sam said. Quinn cried and ran out the door, saying nothing in return. Sam stood alone in the center of the room, not knowing what to do. His chest felt tight and he couldn’t breath.

“Sammy?” Dean put a hand on his shoulder but Sam flinched away and pushed himself against the wall. “Sammy, you are gonna hyperventilate, calm down. It’s gonna be okay.” But it wasn’t okay, and Sam couldn’t calm down, he had enough he just wanted to feel better again. He ran into the bedroom, and began to pull Dean’s stuff from the drawers, and while if Sam had of done this any other day, Dean would be losing his mind, and probably beating the crap out of his brother, today he just stood in the doorway watching Sam freak out and rip apart the room.

“Where is it Dean?” Sam yelled. 

“Where what Sam?” 

“You know what! I need it!” Sam tried to go past Dean to search his Dad’s room, but Dean grabbed him by the arm and pushed him into the wall. 

“Sammy stop.” 

“No Dean, I can’t do this, let me go! I need it!” Sam was in tears again, and Dean slid them down the wall, and onto the floor. 

“It’s okay Sam, you are going to be okay. It’s just a bad day.” Sam was watching his brother, and shook his head. 

“Stop Dean, you can’t save me… and I don’t want to drag you down with me, not you or Dad, or…. Or Quinn.” Dean sighed; his little brother cared so much about everyone else, why couldn’t he care   
about himself? 

“Sammy look, you messed up, we all know that, and I am so angry I can’t see straight.” Sam flinched. “But… we are family and I am in this for life, because I want to be.” Sam couldn’t believe he had such an amazing brother.

“Thanks Dean.” 

“Sammy, you are going to have bad days, where you want to do something stupid, and when you do, I want you to come talk to me. Promise me Sammy, promise me you will talk to me.”

“I promise Dean.” 

“Did you really love her?” Sam sniffled.

“Yeah, more then you know… I loved her so much that I had to let her go.” 

“I’m sorry Sammy.”

“It’s okay Dean.” 

“If it matters… no matter how much I love you, I am never going to let you go.” Sam laughed and looked up at Dean.

“I know.” Sam and Dean sat on the floor in each other’s arms, and Dean felt like he finally had Sam back.


End file.
